musing
moderation?
it's true, what they say.
things can't always work out.
relationships, exams, friendships, the weather. nothing will ever be exactly what we want from it.
but we wouldn't think to control the weather. that's preposterous. sometimes it's sunny, sometimes it rains.
yet we pour our all into something we feel like we can control. a relationship that doesn't work out. a final we aren't as prepared for as we thought. or hoped. or wanted to be.
i don't think that's failure. sure, we could have done more. but we didn't.
sure, on a different day, in a different life, sometime, somewhere, it might have been exactly the way we envisioned. but it wasn't.
"Nobody has things just as he would like them. The thing to do is to make a success with what material I have. It is a sheer waste of time and soul-power to imagine what I would do if things were different. They are not different."
Dr. Frank Crane.
know what the beauty of it is? they don't need to be different. i'll take them exactly as they are.
i used to be thankful for the rain. it reminded me how great sunny days can be. i thought i was enlightened. a sort of "see the good in the bad things you have to deal with" attitude.
but why settle for that? isn't it better to be happy for the rain? isn't it better to appreciate the light sting of raindrops on your face at 60 mph? isn't it better to wade through knee-deep puddles because you want to?
why make your happiness contingent upon something outside of your control?
if you learn to love the rain, you can be happy all of the time.
the pier
a flock of giant cranes:
perched along the piers in san francisco.
still, silent, waiting for what?
imperial walkers:
ready for deployment. active at a moment's notice. but, for now, they stand still.
silhouettes in the sunset, breaking up the line where the ocean meets the sky. dark and stoic amidst the swirls of fire that fill the heavens.
an interesting contrast:
the straight lines, the geometric patterns of the cargo cranes against the beauty of the sunset. the man-made starkness against the ripples of reflection off the seawater...
you should go see them sometime.
classic cars
saturday afternoon, beautiful day. i stopped for gas in buellton california.
the only gas station in buellton. when i pulled up, there was an RV and another car... they weren't filling up though.
it turns out that on the pump it said "Please See Attendant". so did the rest of the pumps. the only problem was that the door was locked. no attendant in sight. on a saturday afternoon.
i chuckled to myself... the other people were getting frustrated. i was mostly amused. maybe it was because i wasn't in as much of a hurry. maybe because i think that's a lame reason to get worked up.
so i went over to the classic car lot next door. chatted with the two older chaps sitting in the shade. watching the frustration of everyone that drove up, looked at the pumps, looked around in confusion, then left.
i guess the person that was supposed to open that saturday never showed up. so people came and went, using their credit cards until one by one the pumps stopped working. by the time i got there, the whole station was shut down.
about an hour later, the owner showed up. obviously he wasn't too happy. got everything working, unlocked the bathroom (i was pretty stoked about that).
but i'd had a great break, and a great chat. i'm glad i stopped for gas at a station that was closed. i got to meet a couple of great guys... that wouldn't have happened if i'd just filled up then been on my way.
La la la la La la la la...
the ocean is about the closest thing to infinity we mortals get to experience...
sitting on the suislaw jetty.
listening to the soothing crash of waves against the rocks, staring off to where the water touches the sky, i can't help but think how small and insignificant everything is. in the big picture.
i like the smell, too. fresh, salty, a hint of something... living? it's beautiful, in its own way.
at the end of the jetty is a giant new years eve noisemaker. it's white. i'm inexplicably drawn to it... i have to go check this out.
it's a giant air horn, goes off at some preset interval. sending out a secret message:
"hey. don't sail your boat here. there's a big effing pile of rocks"
i want to get to the other side, so i wait for it to honk, then run past.
even further out is a lighthouse. if you can call it that. more like a lightpost. almost half a mile into the ocean. it's not doing too much right now, but it prob'ly blinks or something at night. it's even solar powered, so they don't have to worry about it. self-sustaining warning system.
plus, tampering with it is a felony. add that to the list of dumb things to have on your permanent record: putting something other than mail into a mailbox (felony). asking visitors to reload a website (felony charges). internet gambling (felony in washington state). messing with the wrong lightpost (felony).
at the very end there's an odd little fork in the jetty. like the tip of a snake's tongue.
curious.
there's another jetty at newport. i've never seen it during the day.
it's beautiful at night.
i went there with a friend. we sat on a rock and talked. we watched boats lit up like they were going somewhere important, passing silently in the dark. we stood on the sand where the waves could almost reach our feet... except for that one freak wave. one piece of it broke away from the rest and went way farther than it should have. just far enough to get me all wet when i wasn't paying attention. but it was a nice night. not too cool. and the water felt great.
a week later, i went back there again, this time by myself. maybe so i could miss her.
at pismo beach there's a place at the base of a bluff where the rocks run out into the water.
at high tide the tops are less than a foot above the surf. it's dark, overcast. not a star in the sky. as i stand on the rocks and look into the ocean, i see nothing. as far as i can tell, the world ends fifty feet from my feet, where i can just make out the first of the waves to break.
they leave a fine white foam behind.
rolling, surging, growing, until they crash into the rocks where i stand, filling the cracks between with turbulent water, which rushes out again almost as fast as it rushed in.
it's calm. peaceful. soothingly violent.
i feel like jumping in, swimming until i fall off the edge of the earth.
as i glance once upon the foam
40 feet beneath my feet
the coldest calm falls
through the molten veins
cooling all the blood to slush
that congeals around the brainoh, La la la la La la la la La la la la La la la la la...